From the Wittenburg Door:

I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, who gave the world to me and other Americans along with the authority to possess and exploit it in order to increase our wealth and comfort, regardless of how we may destroy the earth or cheat others out of its benefits.

I believe in Jesus Christ who was born of a Virgin on Christmas Day in order to become the Reason for the Season. He was a really nice guy - strong, white, and gentle - and was the friend of sinners like me because He knew no one is perfect. He was crucified by Jews and other non-Christians but rose from the dead on Easter so that we can always have spring-like hope. He went to heaven where He reigns with God in order to guarantee my rights. He will come again to pass judgment against those who are different from me and to condemn them to eternal damnation.

I believe in keeping a pleasant Spirit toward men who agree with me, that going to church is an admirable practice, that there are good people around the world who support the American way, and that I, my family, and those like us will, together, enjoy life everlasting, which we richly deserve.