One more reflection on the Emerging Women Gathering this past weekend: One of the odd things (from what I observed and heard about afterwards) was the attitude of some of the more "emergent" women. At the retreat there were women from a wide range of backgrounds, and at many different points on the journey. Some of them were just at the beginning of their awareness of the emerging church, while others had been a part of it for years. The odd thing is that at least some of the veterans seemed to have little patience for those who weren't as far along as they. While I was there I did observe an air of exclusivity among at least some veterans, and I later heard about how a few of them got into a rather un-gentle debate with a couple of the women who were probably the most unfamiliar and wary (yet curious) about the emerging church movement. At one point some of these women were reduced to tears by the aggressive attitudes of the others.

I say this not to call out or complain about those veteran emerging women (I won't name names). No doubt they didn't realize the effect their words were having. I mention this simply to raise the issue for how all of us emergent types treat those who aren't at the same point on the journey as us. Do we remember what it was like to be in those transition phases - when it seemed like everything was up in the air and you were on the verge of losing your faith? It is scary and uncertain. There is a desire to return to what is familiar and find whatever solid doctrine you can to hold onto. You can't just reinvent all your beliefs at once - usually it happens one piece at a time. And this takes time.

My hope is that those of us who have been down that road would have patience with those who are still just at the beginning of the path. Can we trust the Holy Spirit to work with each individual in his own time, and in their own unique way, and not demand that their journey look like ours (or even that they arrive at exactly the same destination)? How can we avoid the arrogance of thinking ourselves superior because of where we've been and where we've come since then (I know I struggle with that often)? Can we become catalysts and tour guides for others along the way, rather than bullying them into debates and fights that do little to transform lives or relationships?

And again, I say this not to point the finger at those women, because the truth is that I struggle with this just as much as anyone. My first instinct is to fight and defend and debate. Plenty of times on blogs and in real life my reaction has been to try and prove myself right and the other wrong, rather than try to understand and help the other progress in their own spiritual journey. This, I think, is just my own selfishness - I'm more concerned with defending myself than with how I can be a blessing to the other.

But where will the emerging church be without tour guides? Few people are argued into it. Most people get started on this emerging journey because they intuitively feel, deep within themselves, that something is not quite right with their current belief or practice of faith. And they are looking for a better way. Those who stumble upon the emerging conversation often say something like "This is what I've been thinking this whole time and haven't been able to put into words. I never knew there were others out there asking these kind of questions." These people need spiritual friends who can come alongside and help guide them through the questions and the fears of falling down a slippery slope of heresy. They need friends who will help them see a vision of a new country, help them imagine a better way.

What they don't need is to immediately encounter condemning voices who say "If you're not as emerging as the rest of us you're not welcome here." Not that many would explicitly say this - but we can end up communicating that message anyway through the tone of our questions, the spirit with which we debate, and all the subtle non-verbals that exclude and push people away.

My sincere hope is that the emerging church will rise above these attitudes, that we will remember our own journey and extend love and acceptance to those who are still at the beginning of theirs. But of course, we are only human, and we won't get this right every time. So hopefully others will have patience with us as well.

Labels: emerging church